Warning: This message contains nude references!

“Caz?”
“Yes?”
“You remember me telling you over dinner at the weekend about the bridal path the council are thinking of re-routing round the back of our garden, and that the phenomenal view we currently have over the hills of Kent will be totally ruined because riders and horses will be able to see straight into our garden, and worse still the bathroom?”
“Yes. I think you estimated about five daily riders.”
“Well…” there was a pause on the phone before Peggy continued “ Gary’s come up with a brilliant plan.”
“Oh yes?”
“Yes. We’ve decided to join the Naturist Society.”
“What, as in 'getting your kit off' Naturists?”
“Yes. We thought you might have their number?”
“Peggy that was twenty years ago when with firm body and possibly less firm mind we dabbled with stripping off in the UK. We’re strictly hot beach stripping these days.”
A long pause.
“So” I continued cautiously “you intend to let the council know that you are nudists and at any given point the riders might come across you doing a naked pas de deux in the hedgerow?”
“Yes.”
“God, that’s brilliant!”
“How do you think we stand?”
“Well, cautiously if you are near the hawthorn hedgerow, but legally I think you’re OK unless someone can see you in the garden and take offence. That may be the problem.”
“What if we say we’ve been stripping off for years? Surely that gives us certain rights? We were there first.”
“Not sure, check with a lawyer. Give him the bare facts.”
“You’re taking the piss.”
“I’m deadly serious.”
“I think we’ve got a good chance.”
“Well it’s certainly an angle that I’m sure the council won’t be expecting. I wonder who they will send down to inspect your claim? Tell you what, I know it’s
-3c today but go on whip your kit off and give it a go. Anyway, you may need to stand on a stepladder to make sure you’re seen. Perhaps you should paint the pertinent bits a bright colour, that’ll help frighten the horses.”
To date I’ve had no further word. It may go to appeal and need supporting evidence, but there’s not much of that when you are stark naked.

To be continued….