Carry on Doctor

I have found need to go to the doctor. A twisted knee, and various finger abnormalities prompted the call. ‘ Hello this is the surgery, you can see Dr To (the nearly blind Chinese doctor with an unfriendly habit) or Dr MacDonald’. Dr MacDonald? Result! Oh yes, Dr MacDonald please, how long has he got? I will explain that Dr MacDonald is an extremely attractive Scot with a lovely bedside manner. Unusually for me I was on time and my only mistake in hindsight was to contemplate locking the door from the inside as I went in.
The only thing I have to say about the whole unfortunate episode is that I hadn’t expected him to ask me to take off my trousers to examine my knee (Dr To can’t see well enough to examine anything). Why oh why hadn’t I shaved my legs and why did I have a hot flush just as he examined the knee. As his hand rasped up my slightly clammy and less than smooth leg he turned and said ‘no problems that I can see, you have very nice knees’ ‘Oh thank you’ I replied simperingly, feeling slightly faint.
‘I mean your knees are in good shape, for someone in their 50’s.’ adding ‘try tensing your thigh muscles regularly as well, you don’t have much definition there’ It was at this point that I rather went off Dr MacDonald. Still, I couldn’t resist asking him if he wanted to examine the small lump just under my right boob, as I left!
This episode was followed up by a very jolly lunch with friends and as I cycled home mid afternoon, I recalled what Dr MacDonald had said. I’ll show him, I thought, tensing my thigh muscles for all they were worth and peddling at the speed of light. I think it was at that moment when the Porsche managed to brake hard and stop on a sixpence and I sailed past him through the privet hedge, that my muscles finally knew the meaning of the word ‘tense’.